Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 11:58:18 PM)
"You know you dont have to be afraid anymore. There's no reason for it."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 11:58:29 PM)
"You're safe now. No one is going to come after you."
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 11:59:41 PM)
"No but people like you can break me and there always black hats out there. I have a job to do." He said flatly. "Thank you for reminding me of that."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 12:00:01 AM)
"I am so lost."
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 12:00:49 AM)
He looks back at the door. "Don't worry about it."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 12:01:44 AM)
"Running away is for cowards."
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 12:04:48 AM)
"I am not running. There is a world out there." He looked back at her smiling. "There is nothing for me here, expect pain." He walks over to her, he seemed a lot older than he normally did. He cupped her cheeks and leaned to kissed the top of her head. The action didn't seem like the scared Hadrian. It was like his actions were being guided sby someone far more experiecned than him.
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 12:06:10 AM)
"I don't know why I kekep arguing with you to stay. I know what you mean. This is dangerous. One or both of us is going to get very, very hurt. You're right.
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 12:09:43 AM)
He nodded and looked at her. 'It is ok. I am sorry, Tarra. I was glutton for punishment hoping that there was a chance. But, I know better now." He looks down at his bare feet., remeinber his shoes are in the bathroom. Then he looks at her, "I want nothing more than to ask you to let me stay... to hold you and to sleep in your arms and learn what it means to be loved like that... but we will only end up more hurt," It was like he had just gone through all the stages of break up already and here hew as now.
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 12:12:10 AM)
"And even if I offered it, and promised it would be platonic, you wouldn't take it, would you?"
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 12:13:02 AM)
He shook his head "Because... I would wnat more. I would get hurt."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 12:13:16 AM)
"You'd want to make love."
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 12:15:58 AM)
He blushed and shook his head, something made him smile. Something soft in him was returned but just slightly. "No." He looks at her eyes. "I would not something more important that your body."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 12:16:49 AM)
"what would you want?"
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 12:20:06 AM)
He looked away, blushing. "Something that I can never have." He was a romantic, he was not sexual type... Romance lead to sex.. He was soft, gentle... it was not about sex for him it was about avery child like idea of love.. or a very innocenet idea.
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 12:21:50 AM)
she puts her hand on his, forces him to make eye contact.
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 12:22:49 AM)
He looks at her eyes. "Don't hurt me."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 12:25:55 AM)
"Don't hurt Me."
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 12:26:13 AM)
"I won't... but... this... What about Joshua?"
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 12:27:10 AM)
"Do you think he loves me?"
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 12:27:43 AM)
He watched her face, he was silent for a moment. He was thinking. "Why did you come here tonight?"
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 12:28:02 AM)
she tells him about the three girls who came over.
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 12:28:39 AM)
((pause, asking you as an ST... why you posted it like that? Because of IRL or because of the iron curtian?))
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 12:28:42 AM)
"maybe...even though I don't realise it..I came here to be seen.'
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 12:31:20 AM)
(( *points to q before he posts*))
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 12:31:46 AM)
(aah. I answered it as this: she tells him about the three girls who came over to their apartment)
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 12:31:59 AM)
((no no my ooc question))
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 12:32:28 AM)
(no, because it was the easiest way to answer it. I can go ahead and post it in real time, not break the dialog)
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 12:32:52 AM)
((ah you can post it to skype later))
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 12:33:29 AM)
"I see you." He watches her eyes, carefully, examining her. His hazel eyes were not doe like, they were peircing watching hers, trying to understand her.He then says, "Do you think he loves you?"
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 12:33:45 AM)
Her voice shakes with honesty. "I don't know.
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 12:35:37 AM)
"I..." he frowns and squeezes her hand. "What do you feel?"
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 12:36:23 AM)
"Like I'm engaged to someone who can't even see me, and never even asked me."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 12:36:40 AM)
she takes the ring off of her finger. "This isn't even a gift from him. It's from our friends."
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 12:37:53 AM)
He frowns deeply, and looks repulsed again. Something did not sit well. He pulled his hand back from hers so she could mvoe like that. "He... he ... didn't even ask you?" the shock in his voice clear.
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 12:38:28 AM)
"he hinted, eluded, and suggested, but never proposed. the intent was there. the words were not."
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 12:40:23 AM)
His breathing picked up, a bit it was a bit angry. He watched her still. Scanning her face. He looked at the ring. Then he whispered something. "What does... Tarra want?"
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 12:42:30 AM)
"Tarra wants to be loved."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 12:43:35 AM)
she stands up. "she wants to be seen. she doesn't want to be someone's burden, someone's responsibility to be protected, or to protect. She doesnt' want her mother overshadowing her anymore, her father trying to have her killed or worse and she doesn't want her grandparents to protect her. She wants to be her own woman, to make her own choices.
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 12:44:14 AM)
"she doesn't want to have to shelter anyone except by choice, to love because it's her destiny. She wants to be wanted for who she is, to be loved for who she is, to be adored for who she is, and to just be held once. That's all. That's really all..."
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 12:46:28 AM)
He nodded slightly. "YA lyublyu tebya.. kak ty zasluzhivaeshʹ" He backs up to give her space to stand then stands near her. He watches her. Then he, taking her role, this time,grants her request.EVen if it was not something she asked directly of him. He slipped his arms around her, they were sift motions but he wanted to hold her, like she asked not because she todl him to but becuase she wantd it and becuase he wanted to. "YA lyublyu tebya,"all he spoke in russian sounded soft, maybe even sweet....
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 12:47:41 AM)
she accepts the embrace..even returns it, hugging him back, putting her head on a clean sholder and for a moment, just crying. She'd never voiced how unhappy she was before.
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 12:50:37 AM)
"Vy skazali, chto vy hotite sdelatʹ svoĭ sobstvennyĭ vybor," He whisperedi n her ear, then translated to english for her "What choice do you want to make?" He held her, craddling her against him. He was being getnle not sure waht to do.
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 12:52:08 AM)
Softly, she replies in her own language, then translates it into english. 'don't let me go yet."
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 12:52:43 AM)
((What languge?))
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 12:53:03 AM)
(let me check her sheet. prolly german))
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 12:53:57 AM)
(german
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 12:54:51 AM)
He cuts her off before she translates english by responding to her in german, "I won't... I don't want to let you go." Something in his inflection was deeply romantic.
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 12:56:18 AM)
she turns to him, nods. It's a submission more than anything else, the way hes been doing to her all night. He understands now.
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 12:59:36 AM)
He wispers to her in German, his arms have not moved - they are rigid holding her to him - "Tarra, I am willing to give you the last of myself... all that i have to offer."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 1:00:22 AM)
"If you give this to me...I will only keep it until you are strong enogh to take it back. Do you understand?I want my affection to heal you, not hurt you."
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 1:02:30 AM)
He pulled back to look at her face. Still speaking in German, "I want to give you all my love." He paused and whispered, "If you want... I am yours. Your guy...whatever you want to call it. I want to give you everything I have to offer."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 1:06:27 AM)
"You know that no matter how hurt I am..I'll never be able to accept all of you. I do care about you. i even love you. But i can't accept."
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 1:07:54 AM)
The soft side was gone but he still held her, as she had held him. In english he says, " understand. You are Joshua's."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 1:10:55 AM)
"I can't break my promise, even if I feel he's never gave me his." she starts to cry.
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 1:13:01 AM)
*she takes him by the hand, moves with him to the sofa*
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 1:14:29 AM)
He held her, rigidly. There was no gentlness in his action but it was not harsh it was more like he didn't know how to be gentle and hold someone he just tried his best though. "You deserve... " he went silent "I won't let you hurt me and I won't hurt you." He sat next to her. He looked confused, angry, and not sure what to do.
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 1:14:45 AM)
She looks defeated. Back to this.
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 1:14:50 AM)
"Hadrian..."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 1:14:59 AM)
"What did I do or say that made you upset?"
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 1:20:05 AM)
"I am not upset," he said to her. "I am... I can't take losing you like that. You are his... I... I ..." he had nno idea what to say. "There is something I can't allow that. I... I... I love you... and it is going to hurt one of us. I would rahter not see that.. I could not bear to be hurt or hurt you."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 1:24:23 AM)
*she sits on the sofa again, opens her arms to him*
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 1:25:38 AM)
he looks at her... confused.
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 1:25:49 AM)
"Come sit. Please."
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 1:26:11 AM)
He sits next to her but does not move into her arms. He just watches her.
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 1:29:30 AM)
"You can love someone without being physical."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 1:30:01 AM)
"You can adore them, admire them, hug them, hold them, and give them part of your heart. And like it or not, I have already done that for you. Otherwise I would have allready left."
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 1:33:33 AM)
"Hugging and holding... are physical... and the physical door way has been opened already..." He looked at her. "You have my heart... but... I... I." he sighs. "Terra.. we kissed.. We;ve held each other." He was so innocent and so hurt by the things in the past that these things have taken deeper meanings for him than for her it seems.
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 1:34:05 AM)
"We see things differently."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 1:34:24 AM)
"And this hurts me too."
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 1:34:49 AM)
"tell me."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 1:35:07 AM)
"That somehting that I find to be so innocent, so...easy, you have taken so deeply.
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 1:35:23 AM)
"and what I wanted to share with you to simply help you understand now hurts you.
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 1:35:30 AM)
He frowned he looked away from heras he listened.
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 1:35:45 AM)
"That's it, isn't it?"
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 1:36:54 AM)
"Is that alll it was? Innocent..." he scoffs softly. "A lesson.. an innocent lesson?"
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 1:37:06 AM)
"No."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 1:37:22 AM)
"but whatever I say to you is going t hurt you."
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 1:37:48 AM)
"tell me the truth."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 1:39:07 AM)
"I held you and kissed you because I felt you needed it, and because I wanted to give you somehting beautiful. to share something beautiful with you. And this is hurting me, to
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 1:40:02 AM)
"but.. how can you share that with me.. if ou don't feel.. if you can't fel.. if you are with him... I" he was breathing heavily, he honestly just didn't get it
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 1:41:00 AM)
"Because it's possible to love more than one person, even if you're only having sex with one."
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 1:42:10 AM)
He looked down. "I am notasking for sex but it is wrong to lvoe two people like that.. It hurts everyone."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 1:42:29 AM)
"Have you heard of platonic love?"
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 1:43:30 AM)
"Friendship.... But..." he was getting frustrated. "nevermind.. Tarra.. Nevermind." He still hadn't looekd backa at her. "Forget it."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 1:43:47 AM)
"No, more than friendship.
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 1:44:06 AM)
loyalty. Love. Adoration. Time. Intimacy. Just not...physical intimacy.
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 1:44:27 AM)
"and I get to stand backand watch that... no.. Tarra. I am not doing that ot myself..."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 1:49:51 AM)
She nods, understanding, and lets go of his hand.
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 1:50:43 AM)
"I wnat you... but...I...wnat to be yours and you mine..."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 1:51:01 AM)
"You're not ready for that."
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 1:51:59 AM)
"I am talking about something more than sex...I am...talking about something you can't give me... you said you couldn't.... Sex is sex.. Sex... is...just whatever... I am talking about true love.."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 1:54:31 AM)
"I know what you're talking about. I do."
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 1:56:39 AM)
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Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 1:57:19 AM)
(This user has entered Old Apt... NOLA) (IP = 68.61.153.210)
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 1:58:00 AM)
(wb)
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 1:58:10 AM)
"I know what you're talking about. I do. And the longer we talk, the harder it gets."
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 1:59:50 AM)
"I know biologically what my body tells me to do...but my heart my spirit... my mind tells me t o love you but... I can't do that not without having you ripped from my life that is why I said .. nevermind.. that is why I said I can't be hurt..."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 2:00:46 AM)
"The fact of the matter is that we do love, even if we are not in love."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 2:00:52 AM)
"things have changed for me regarding you."
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 2:02:01 AM)
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Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 2:03:13 AM)
(This user has entered Old Apt... NOLA) (IP = 68.61.153.210)
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 2:03:27 AM)
(wb)
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 2:03:47 AM)
((ty))
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 2:06:24 AM)
"I know biologically what my body tells me to do...but my heart my spirit... my mind tells me t o love you but... I can't do that not without having you ripped from my life that is why I said .. nevermind.. that is why I said I can't be hurt..."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 2:07:12 AM)
"The problem is...that we do love each other. things have changed. the question is how to demonstrate it."
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 2:09:12 AM)
"I..." hewatches her finnally."What do you want?"
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 2:09:58 AM)
"I want to do what I came here to do. To watch over you for an evening, to prove that I care. To prove that I always will. To show you that someone in this world has your back!"
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 2:11:04 AM)
"And tomorrow?"
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 2:11:37 AM)
"I'll still have your back tomorow."
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 2:13:53 AM)
He frowns."but you'll be back in his arms... someone who has other woman over...who doesn't see you... who couldn't tell you... who couldn't ask you."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 2:16:05 AM)
"He can tell me he loves me."
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 2:16:59 AM)
He looks at her. " I am not sure waht to do or what to tell you. I told youwaht I think and feel."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 2:18:43 AM)
"just let me stay tonight. don't run away."
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 2:20:16 AM)
"What do you want?"
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 2:20:38 AM)
"to just stay with yu and hold you tonight."
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 2:22:00 AM)
"Can you stay more than tonight?"
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 2:22:11 AM)
"I don't know."
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 2:23:08 AM)
He leans towards her. "Please?" He looks up at with doe eyes again.
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 2:23:31 AM)
She tears up . "I don't know!"
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 2:23:39 AM)
"This isn't easy on me, either!
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 2:25:10 AM)
He gives her a soft shhing sound and then whispers "You are the onlyperson to genuinely care for me.. I wil wait even if it never goes past this"
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 2:25:41 AM)
"how can you hav ever doubted that I cared? didn't I show at the beginning that I was trying to understand you?
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 2:27:19 AM)
"Kate... showed that behavior... showed that she cared but then....she used me.."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 2:27:31 AM)
"and I 'm not going to use you."
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 2:29:14 AM)
"I know...I amnot saying I doubted you. I said...I will wait," he pauses and looks at her, "even if you tell me no...I will wait."
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 2:32:06 AM)
"Then you'll let me stay tonight?"
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 2:32:45 AM)
He nodded "I love you"
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 2:33:17 AM)
"And I you."(and I need sleep)
Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 2:33:32 AM)
((pause..or... ?))
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 2:33:52 AM)
((your call. I just need to zzZZzz))
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 2:33:58 AM)
(dropping to skype)
Tarra Shapiro (Sep 16, 2010 2:34:06 AM)
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Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 16, 2010 3:23:06 AM)
(This user has left DigiChat) (IP = 68.61.153.210)