Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 9:03:39 PM)
(This user has entered Old Apt... NOLA) (IP = 68.61.153.210)

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 9:03:49 PM)
(This user has entered Old Apt... NOLA) (IP = 71.227.165.154)

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 9:04:15 PM)
He turns to watch her, the hurried speech catching his ears, he looks over at her. Watching her leave like that... it actually hurts. He can't hold it back, it is not like watching her be ripped from him but it feels that way, and that pained look becomes clear on his face as he watches her go to the door, as he watches the ashamed look on his face,which is almost parroted on his face, as he fight like hell to hold back any emotion but fails as the tears becme to roll down his cheek. He didn't ask for her to be there for him, he had pushed away but of all the people in the city who wanted to help... she... had be genuine - a white light - but now in the gray.... He felt cold and like he had hurt her in his protection of himself. He felt ashamed, he felt sorow for his lose... was he crying for his lose? Was he crying for being ashamed for hurting her? Was he crying for selfish reasons or because no his frail emotional center was cracking? Whatever the reason, as he watched her, he cried.

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 9:04:26 PM)
Terra: she pauses atthedoor.She'd made a promise.She'd keep it. Maybe not in the same way, but she'd keep it. "I told you I'd stay. You take the sofa. I will be in the bedroom. I keep my promises."

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 9:06:31 PM)
(spins a top....)

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 9:06:37 PM)
(spins a bottom...

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 9:06:45 PM)
(spins a bottle?

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 9:07:29 PM)
*she turns on her heel, reaching her hands behind her head to tie her long hair into a knot. She doesn't turn around again. She's done enough damage for one evening. Her body language, the way she's slumped her shoulders, the way she's almost slouching shows that*

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 9:12:17 PM)
His eyes flicker over to her, it was as if he was unaware of the tears - - or perhaps he just didn't care any more. What was left of him? What was there left to bear to this woman? She had seen him at his weakest and most valunerable and it wasn't her fault. It was his fault. He did this. He asked for those kisses. He let himself get hurt. This was his punishment. He watched her still....Perhaps only a second went by but in his mind it was forever and it bore on too long, he swears he could feel his spine crack under the weight... but it was all in his head. He looked at her, part of with longing wanting to just to hold her to be in her arms -- almost psuedosexual -- part of him wanted to run to find his dumpster in his alley or his bush in the park, part of him wanted his friend... part of him wanted her to hurt like he did. He took one step forward, towards his eyes dropping to the ground, large sad hazel things, blurred with tears. What was to tell her: I like your hair down.... I am scared.... I am a f

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 9:12:38 PM)
fucking freak and am just going to leave? When he couldn't think of anything to say he whispered in Russian what felt right. "Lyubovʹ?" The inflection in his tone implied it was indeed a question.... a concerned one.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 9:14:22 PM)
*she doesn't turn around, but she does stop. She peels off her over-shirt, her shoulders now bared, standing he can see the back of her camisole. she tugs at her belt, her pants becoming loose around her waist and falling to rest on her hips instead. "I don't speak russian. you'll need to translate to a language I understand if you want to keep speaking to me."

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 9:18:33 PM)
He waned to speak alright, but he didn't - he couldn't. He still hand no idea what to tell her and as she discarded clothing in front of him.... two thoughts run through his mind. Each mutually exclusive of the other. Each one doing the same damage to him. He was silent and still. He was at once clothed and naked....ruined and smahed upon the ground. He began to turn away from the sight.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 9:19:02 PM)
"If you want to tell me something, you'll have to translate into English." She turns around now.

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 9:21:42 PM)
The tears were clear now that she could see his face. His face read...both hate and hope. He doesnt look at her. He raises his head and looks at the door. "I said," he starts,"I am a glutton for pain." He was clearly lying.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 9:22:14 PM)
*she nods, walks back to him, offers him her hand*

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 9:23:51 PM)
He looked at her hand.... She eliminated one of the two thoughts in that act alone. Could he bring to bear the pain on himself. His hand, shakily moves but it does not grab hers, nor does he seem to not want to grab it- rather this is just indecision.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 9:25:20 PM)
*she takes his hand, and moves back towards the sofa with him, again, sitting, and offering him a place to sit beside her*

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 9:25:27 PM)
"I guess we're not done talking yet, are we?"

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 9:27:08 PM)
He responds almost without missing a beat, "You should get dressed."

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 9:27:24 PM)
She looks confused. "I'm not undressed.'

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 9:28:39 PM)
"Your top is in the hallway," his voice low and soft but it was the Hadrian, the strong one she had seen earlier, speaking.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 9:31:08 PM)
"Yes. I took it off. I as going to sleep. But I'm still modest. My belly is covered, you can't see my chest. Just my shoulders, and arm. does that bother you?"

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 9:33:01 PM)
He was silent agian, the pattern resolved itself and everything fit into place in his mind. "It's fine," his voice hollow.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 9:33:45 PM)
"it bothers you." she rises, puts it back on, then retakes her seat. "First rule about being my friend. when something bothers you, say it. Second rule. I need to be more observant. When you speak, it's because something bothers you

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 9:34:34 PM)
I'm not going to force you into anything. I wasn't going to do a striptease for you--god knows I can't even be naked around Josh without understanding that it's a sin--i was just tying to fight the heat. I'm sure you've noticed the crappy air conditioning.

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 9:36:45 PM)
He looks square in the eyes when she returns, still standing himself. THe look in his eyes... it was like he was about to snap at her but the look vanished as quickly was it was there. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe it was something. In his head a memory of Kate played... He just watched her now. Silent...waiting.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 9:37:26 PM)
she sits on the sofa, offers her hand to him again. "come. Sit."

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 9:38:25 PM)
(retakes seat. sorry)

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 9:38:52 PM)
He does as he is told. He sits next to her. He doesn't look at her though. He leans forward,placing his elbows just above his knees. His head lowered.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 9:39:51 PM)
She doesn't force him to look at her. This one obviously has a lot of damage. She knows he isn't going to open up to her. He doesn't have to. what she doesn't do, is to keep giving affection. She puts her hand on his back, rubs it lightly, a kind gesture. "If you want a shower, I left towels here. And soap. It feels good to be clean."

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 9:42:01 PM)
He tenses at being touched more thanhe has before... but then he relaxes. His relaxation is... hollow. Like he is just accepting what is done to him. There is no spirit in his action. He just is --- . He whispers "do you want me to go shower?"

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 9:42:27 PM)
She chuckles. "You don't smell pleasant."

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 9:43:40 PM)
He stands, it was almost robotic. Automated motions. He turns and heads to the bathroom, silently.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 9:45:45 PM)
*she sits a moment longer, then shakes her head. She just wants to be a friend, why is it so difficult? more coffee. Coffee cures any situation. she stands again, ditches the over-shirt. she's hot, fuck modesty. he should be glad she hasn't stripped down to her panties. She opens up a can of beans and starts to cook them while the shower is on.

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 9:48:45 PM)
The bathroom door closes... or did it? There was no sound of it closing. But if she looked in fact it was. He was eeirely sight. The shower turned on. In a moment the water sounded like it was puncutated by a body peircing it... then it sounded like there was no one in the shower... as it sounds like it is hitting the bottom of the tub.

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 9:49:02 PM)
sight=silent

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 9:49:40 PM)
She calls out. "Are you alright in there? Because I really, really don't want to come in and check on you. I have my boundaries, too.'

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 9:51:09 PM)
There was no voice, no sound for a moment but then the shower curtian rattled. He was in there. Was he in the shower or outside it?

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 9:51:26 PM)
*she walks to the door, knocks on it* You Ok?

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 9:53:48 PM)
Ther was no response, expect the curtain ring rattling again. If her hearing was good enough he was making sounds...they were not clear.. They were not words.They were almost gasping sounds -not the good kind- perhaps he was sobbing in the bottom of the tub... perhaps he was taking sharp pained breaths?

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 9:54:23 PM)
"Hadrian, throw something at the door so I know you're alright in there. I don't really want to come in and see you in all your glory."

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 9:57:26 PM)
A moment later something soft hit the door and thudded to the ground-whatever it was it was wet.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 9:57:55 PM)
"Alright. I'm in the kitchen when you're done."

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 10:00:58 PM)
There was no response.... He did not come out.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 10:01:13 PM)
*In ten minutes, she knocks on the door again*

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 10:01:16 PM)
"Dinner's ready."

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 10:02:00 PM)
*she pokes her head in the door*

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 10:02:50 PM)
The curtain was closed and the sound was clear.. he was sobbing... in the bottom of the shower. If his silhouette is clear, his face is burried in his knees and his clothes are under the sink - there is no cabinent there. If there is then they are tucked in some corner.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 10:03:24 PM)
*she closes the toilet lid, sits down and starts to speak, softly* I'm not here because I want to seduce you. I don't want you to submit to me."

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 10:05:13 PM)
There was no response from him. He didn't even seem to respond to her being in the room. Maybe he was not aware.. maybe he had no shame... or maybe he had no energy left. THe sounds of his crying does stop... but his body doesn't move

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 10:07:34 PM)
*she has her eyes carefully turned to the wall. She puts her hand in, notices that the water has gone cold and turns it off. If the tub is plugged, she drains it out. She is careful not to touch him*

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 10:10:03 PM)
He was huckered in the back of the tub. It is clear the soap was through at the door or part of it.. He had broken it half and thrown one half. It was the nearest thing. His body didn;t move or flinch away from her hand. The tub was not plugged.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 10:10:37 PM)
*she doesn't look. He knows she didn't get an eyeful. She goes back to the kitchen and waits."

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 10:12:49 PM)
He comes out his head down his hair still dripping, but other wise he seems dry. He walks to the kitchen and stands in the doorway.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 10:15:23 PM)
(he dressed?)

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 10:15:45 PM)
*there's a bowl of beans and hot dogs(turkey) on the table for him. She's sitting, waiting for him to come join her.

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 10:15:47 PM)
((yes no shoes no socks))

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 10:17:33 PM)
He walked over to the table and sat. He looked at her. "Don't hurt me," something in his tone said this was more about.. .emotional...It was damn well near pleading.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 10:17:58 PM)
"With what? Van De Kaamps and pepsi?"

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 10:18:58 PM)
He looked at her, then looked away. "I should go."

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 10:19:19 PM)
"Why?"

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 10:19:38 PM)
"Becuase it is the right thing to do."

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 10:20:58 PM)
"According to whom?"

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 10:26:24 PM)
"me." He looked at her. His lips pul lback and he speaks rapidly, "You don't get it do you... you may have noticed the air conditioning is bad," his tone was sharp with her, "You think shit like that matters? You say like I should know or have lived with it or care... You say it like I..." he shakes his head. "Do you get it? You... you make me... feel happy and it hurts... I know this will be the last time I see you... you are going to get ripped from my life...I...have accepted to lose you... than to hold on to a false hope... that hope that... that..."

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 10:28:30 PM)
"You. Are. Wrong." There's an absoluteness in her voice. She's heard everything he says. "And you're afraid. You're just afraid, and you're hurt. You've been hurt in the past. but you have to be willing to face it, and to grow, otherwise you'll always be broken."

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 10:32:04 PM)
He looks at her, the anger in his eyes was not anger with ehr but rather a pained anger. The air picks up heavily around him, blowing his hair around, and the room gets more humid, heavily humid. "No!" His face contorted in pain as he spoke. "no... becuase..." He took a sharp and heavy breath. The weight ofthe world crushing him.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 10:32:15 PM)
"Because Why??"

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 10:34:08 PM)
"because... I .... Ilikeyou." the last three words spoken rapid fire, like admitting that would break the world about them.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 10:34:29 PM)
"I like you, too."

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 10:37:25 PM)
He shakes his head, "no. I like you like you," he spoke in very childlike terms still.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 10:38:46 PM)
"You...want to be my guy?" apparently that never occured to her.

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 10:41:20 PM)
He paused, apparently he never considered in those terms. He looked at her confused. It was primary thoughts, not secondary. Well that is not true.. it was primary - I like - and secondary - I am goign to lose you - which were consiquences. He had not worked it past that point. He just was dumbfounded, staring at her.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 10:42:22 PM)
*she decides that once again, he needs a moment to mull over his thoughts, and pours him a glass of water to go with the elegant dinner of beans and hot dogs. and carrots*

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 10:44:35 PM)
The dinner he has yet to touch. While the wind around his hair dies down finally the humidity in the room, that seems to center around him is still there. "I.... like you?" said as if it was answer to her question but also with out any certainty that is what she meant.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 10:44:58 PM)
"You told me."

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 10:45:32 PM)
"What sort of a relationship do you want to have with me?"

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 10:46:39 PM)
He nodded to that and said "The wrong one," not as in he didnt want it or that it was wrong to date.. rather the guilt in his voice implied he felt it was wrong because of Joshua.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 10:53:49 PM)
"You want a romantic relationship with me?" she questions quietly.

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 10:55:24 PM)
(This user has left DigiChat) (IP = 68.61.153.210)

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 10:56:41 PM)
(This user has entered Old Apt... NOLA) (IP = 68.61.153.210)

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 10:56:47 PM)
((I crashed after my post))

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 10:56:57 PM)
"You want a romantic relationship with me?"

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 10:58:16 PM)
He pauses "I..." he went silent.. then nodded.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 10:59:33 PM)
"You know I can give you a relationship, just not that one?"

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 10:59:41 PM)
"I don't think you're ready for it."

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 11:00:49 PM)
"I know ou can't give it that to me... You have Joshua..."

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 11:01:59 PM)
"And if I could...would you even know what to make of it? I can love you. I do love you. I just...you've obviously been through some really twisted stuff physically."

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 11:05:36 PM)
He lowers his head. He doesn't look at her he doesn't say waht is going through hsi ehad. He does not want her self pitty. He just... wants to be silent and feel miserble. He then whispered " I get it."

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 11:05:49 PM)
"Look at me!

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 11:06:11 PM)
He looks up at her, his head lowered some into his shoulders.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 11:06:32 PM)
"I'm not rejecting you, don't you understand that? I'm offering you something else!

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 11:07:32 PM)
"Why did you kiss me then?"

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 11:08:07 PM)
"Because it's a goddamn tragedy that someone who is as tender as you are, has never been kissed or touched by a woman because they were special. And you are special. So I did it."

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 11:10:11 PM)
"but I am not special to you." Clearly drawing a dicatomis view of romance. His understanding of it limtied to his youthful experiences.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 11:10:39 PM)
*He might as well have stabbed her in the heart* Yes, you are. Why do you think you're here?

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 11:12:31 PM)
He looked at her "Because I am charity case..."

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 11:12:42 PM)
"Like hell you are. You're my friend"

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 11:13:48 PM)
"A friend...then why did /you/ kiss me?" He looks at her, angrily now. Hurt now.. betrayed, "Friends don't kiss."

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 11:13:58 PM)
"Yes, they do." She seems confused now.

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 11:14:33 PM)
"Not like that.. not.." he couldn't look at her any more..He got up from the table. He wanted to run he needed to get away.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 11:14:52 PM)
"I did it the first itme in innocence, the second time beause you asked me to!

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 11:15:10 PM)
and I didn't even give you what you wanted! You asked me to kiss you like a lover, and I didn't!

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 11:16:27 PM)
He just backed away from the table, turning towards the door of the kitchen he went to leave. ((He didn't, just for note. She asked if he wanted her to kiss him, he nodded))

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 11:16:49 PM)
((then I misunderstood.))

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 11:17:35 PM)
"You're just fucking with my head, aren't you? Creating some self-fulfulling prophecy about wanting me out of your iife, and then doing everything human to do it, and hurt me terribly in the meantime. Go ahead. go. won't be the first time."

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 11:18:47 PM)
((actually wait.. I am wrong))

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 11:18:55 PM)
((second kiss was her.... third kiss she asked)))

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 11:19:06 PM)
(she asked, or he asked?)

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 11:19:19 PM)
((double checking posting ksis 2 to skype))

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 11:23:19 PM)
He looekd ath er confused.. hurt and scared... He stumbled back. He looked like he was being torn apart. Like he wasconfused.. hurt.. and like a wounded animal he listned ot instinct and moved away from the pain. Something in his actions say when he is gone... he is going to begone for good. He seems worse then he did when they first meet.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 11:25:11 PM)
"I kissed you because I care about you."

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 11:26:03 PM)
He looks at her. "But not like that... not... like.. that..."

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 11:32:17 PM)
"Are you so sure?"

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 11:33:06 PM)
He looks at her, scared suddenly "what about... Joshua?"

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 11:33:27 PM)
"You really don't have a very fluid concept of love, do you?"

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 11:34:41 PM)
He raised an eyebrow.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 11:36:05 PM)
"A fluid concept of love. That you can love more than one person."

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 11:36:23 PM)
He looked repulsed for a moment.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 11:36:41 PM)
She looks frustrated. "I'm not talking about having sex with multiple people at once."

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 11:36:59 PM)
The look didn't change..actually it did he cringed at that iimage..

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 11:37:55 PM)
"But you can have multiple people you care about."

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 11:39:14 PM)
"But not like that," he said. He got the idea you can love someone but it did not extend to romantic love.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 11:39:38 PM)
"No, but I want you to ask yourself a question. Do you really want romantic love?"

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 11:41:59 PM)
"Has it worked out that well for you in the past?"

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 11:42:43 PM)
He watches her then he looks down. Then he tenses hard when she says that like she slapped him. "I get it!" he said sharply.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 11:44:50 PM)
"I don't know what you want, and I don't know what you're ready for. i can't even offer you friendship without you tensing up. did I kiss you? yes. it was to see if you could handle touch. Why? Because I know you're hurt, and I wanted to show you that even a touch can be a nice, nice thing."

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 11:47:24 PM)
He frowend at that "I told you.. I get it." it was cold distant. He looks up at her eyes. There was no emotion left. "It is okay. I don't want anything." He spoke clearly, and firmly. He was calm. He was collected.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 11:48:03 PM)
"Yes, you do. And I want to give it. I just...can't."

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 11:50:03 PM)
"You can't becuase you don't love me like that, I told you I get it."

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 11:50:35 PM)
"I didn't love him like that the first time I kissed him, either."

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 11:51:34 PM)
"It's okay. I won't bring it up ever again." He smiled at her, it was a dark thing. Hadrian looekd at the door.

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 11:52:17 PM)
"That really is a strong instinct with you...to fly away, isn't it?

Hadrian Merynhert (Sep 15, 2010 11:53:46 PM)
He looked back at her. "I want you but I cannot let myself get hurt. I am sorry."

Tarra Shapiro (Sep 15, 2010 11:55:15 PM)
"what happened to you, that you're so afraid?"